When I was growing up, I was taught that it is rude to stare. My mother told me that staring is impolite, and it's best to ask her about differences I saw in people. She also taught me that people come in all shapes, sizes, colors, and abilities.
Now, I admit I'm not perfect. I find myself doing a double take when I see a person who is different that I am, or a child who appears to be throwing a tantrum. I don't know a person who doesn't, but I make it a point to avoid staring. If I don't understand a situation I either ask questions, as politely as possible, or I look for the answers on my own when I get home.
This is probably why I am so taken back when I see people staring at my son. I'm especially thrown by full grown adults who sit there and stare with their jaws on the floor when they see my son in his full "sensory wardrobe." I understand kids, but adults should know better.
Granted, T's "sensory get up" is interesting to look at, and he does stand out in a crowd, and I understand a double take here and there. I mean it's not every day that you see a 4.5 year old in what looks like a bullet proof vest and shooter’s ear muffs. (His weighted-compression vest and ear phones) But when you stare for so long that he notices through all of the other sensory things going on, it's ridiculous. And when you actually point your finger at him to show your friends, family, or that stranger next to you, it's infuriating.
This exact thing has happened to us several times. Most recently was at a restaurant, whose mascot is a giant red bird. Since it was close to the lunch time rush, and that place tends to be an exercise in sensory overload anyway, I had put T in his vest and head phones to help him cope with the onslaught of sensory input he was about to receive.
We got seated and T was looking around at all of the pictures, and telling me stories about each of them, when I noticed this man staring at us, at my son. I tried to ignore it, but he just didn't look away. It wasn't like T was screaming, or throwing things (which has happened before.) He was sitting quietly, and really behaving very well. I noticed the man was pointing at T and whispering to the woman he was with, and that's when T noticed it too. He told me, "mom, why is that man looking at me?" I said something about how he must be really impressed by your behavior. I then told T to wave at the man, when I actually wanted to tell him to wave with one certain finger. The man and the woman, who was also now staring, quickly looked away. T and I ate lunch, all the while the man and woman kept stealing looks our way.
On the way home, T told me that the people "looking at him for a long time, like that man did” made him uncomfortable. I explained that what they were doing was called staring, and that it's rude. I told him that just because someone is different than you are it’s not okay to stare. I also told him that if he ever has questions about someone’s differences it’s okay to ask me quietly about it.
So please, if you see a person, especially a child, who is a little bit different please don’t stare. Remember, it’s okay to ask questions, as long as you do it respectfully (and preferably not in the middle of a meltdown) but it is never ok for an adult to stare and point at a child. Think about how you would feel if someone did that to your child.
Now, I admit I'm not perfect. I find myself doing a double take when I see a person who is different that I am, or a child who appears to be throwing a tantrum. I don't know a person who doesn't, but I make it a point to avoid staring. If I don't understand a situation I either ask questions, as politely as possible, or I look for the answers on my own when I get home.
This is probably why I am so taken back when I see people staring at my son. I'm especially thrown by full grown adults who sit there and stare with their jaws on the floor when they see my son in his full "sensory wardrobe." I understand kids, but adults should know better.
Granted, T's "sensory get up" is interesting to look at, and he does stand out in a crowd, and I understand a double take here and there. I mean it's not every day that you see a 4.5 year old in what looks like a bullet proof vest and shooter’s ear muffs. (His weighted-compression vest and ear phones) But when you stare for so long that he notices through all of the other sensory things going on, it's ridiculous. And when you actually point your finger at him to show your friends, family, or that stranger next to you, it's infuriating.
This exact thing has happened to us several times. Most recently was at a restaurant, whose mascot is a giant red bird. Since it was close to the lunch time rush, and that place tends to be an exercise in sensory overload anyway, I had put T in his vest and head phones to help him cope with the onslaught of sensory input he was about to receive.
We got seated and T was looking around at all of the pictures, and telling me stories about each of them, when I noticed this man staring at us, at my son. I tried to ignore it, but he just didn't look away. It wasn't like T was screaming, or throwing things (which has happened before.) He was sitting quietly, and really behaving very well. I noticed the man was pointing at T and whispering to the woman he was with, and that's when T noticed it too. He told me, "mom, why is that man looking at me?" I said something about how he must be really impressed by your behavior. I then told T to wave at the man, when I actually wanted to tell him to wave with one certain finger. The man and the woman, who was also now staring, quickly looked away. T and I ate lunch, all the while the man and woman kept stealing looks our way.
On the way home, T told me that the people "looking at him for a long time, like that man did” made him uncomfortable. I explained that what they were doing was called staring, and that it's rude. I told him that just because someone is different than you are it’s not okay to stare. I also told him that if he ever has questions about someone’s differences it’s okay to ask me quietly about it.
So please, if you see a person, especially a child, who is a little bit different please don’t stare. Remember, it’s okay to ask questions, as long as you do it respectfully (and preferably not in the middle of a meltdown) but it is never ok for an adult to stare and point at a child. Think about how you would feel if someone did that to your child.
No comments:
Post a Comment